A Good Night's Sleep

I haven't had one of those in a good long while. Except until two nights ago when my child decided she was going to sleep from 10:00 am to SIX O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is a God and he is smiling down on me. Thank you Lord. I totally didn't even expect this until at least a year or two. I just thought the walking zombie days were here for good while.

Of course this could very well be a false alarm. It's only been a week and she's bound to wake up in the middle of the night at least once. But for three or four days in a row. I actually looked forward to getting to bed with the prospect of waking up with the sun.

It may not be that big of a milestone, but it feels like a boulder. More details to come when someone can explain to me why my child will gaze at me with such intensity and then suddenly burst into tears for no apparent reason. Weird. Love her though.

Returning To Work

I went back to work on August 8, 2009 on a Wednesday, in the middle of the week as was advised by the lactation trainer. It wasn't bad the first day. The baby was with her father and I had three bottles ready to go. Being away from her is worst towards the end of the day when I know it's getting closer to me seeing her.

I call the house about twice a day to check on her and when my husband answers and puts her on speakerphone she responds to my voice, which is so cool. But other than having a shitload of work waiting for me, work is good and the baby is good while I'm at work.

I've had to adjust to my milk production being reduced since I'm not nursing around the clock, but the baby is still only taking me and we'll stay like that probably until she's six months old. She's is growing and as of late she's the smilingest (new word) baby I've ever seen. Sometimes I enjoy her so much I can't believe she's mine. I'm like, "wow, this belongs to me?" We take a trip in a few weeks and I hope she does well on the plane. I can't wait for my other family members to see her. She's mellowed out considerably around strangers and I don't mind taking her out and about around town. We went to Walmart yesterday and the colors and sounds seem to fascinate her. For the most part, for now, I've got a good baby.

The Skinny on Breastfeeding

I know this is a practice women have been performing for centuries, but nowadays we have to take a class to get information on how to do this since women (in the US anyway) I believe are steered towards bottle feeding. I believed and still find that it is what is healthiest for the baby. In today's economy, it's also the cheapest, but my main reason towards wanting to breastfeed was that is was the most "natural." I want the best for my child and I wanted to enjoy my time with the baby while on maternity leave with all the experience I can muster. This experience was my bonding time and I wanted to cherish it. But there's one thing you won't really know and that is the reality of true and unadulterated pain.

You may very well get your first taste (no pun intended) of "nipple trauma." No it's not some medical condition in the books. I'm making this up because it best describes the feeling. Since I'd had a Cesarean delivery, it took a few days for the milk to come or "let down." I had her on Monday and the milk didn't really get here until Saturday, so in between those days the baby didn't get too much and I'd supplement with formula every other feeding. So the consequence is: baby sucking and very little coming out. So what does the baby do? She sucks harder! Still not enough milk so the baby continues on this path and by the third day or fourth day, every three hours the dreaded feeding time approaches.

There were time I had to mentally prepare myself for a feeding. I'd take forever to get the pillows in the right position. I'd switch from the cross-cradle to the football hold and back. I'd massage the area and apologize to my nipple before allowing the baby to feed. At times I'd have to do a countdown. One...... two....... three........ and place the nipple in baby's trap, ahhh I mean mouth. Because some days, it did feel like one of those bear traps in the woods and it was hard for me to grasp how such a little mouth with no teeth could bite down so hard. Where was this strength coming from? How have women withstood this so many nears? Simple. Your nipples toughen and basically you adapt to the discomfort. See, I can call it discomfort now. That's a real sign of growth and acceptance.

About three weeks in I was starting to have doubts. The pediatrician suggested this go on for at least a year. A year?!? At the rate I was going it was looking more like three months maximum, but by the end of the first month, I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Each day and feeding was getting easier and as she was growing and needing more milk, the production went into overtime and I was forced to pump just to get some relief and to have some dry clothes as I was leaking all the time and the pads I was wearing were getting soaked.

The baby is 11 weeks now and I'm actually looking forward to feedings now. It's when she's the most calm and quiet (except for those time she seems to want to hold a conversation with you while feeding, that's funny to hear). Pumping is even more encouraging. When you first start pumping, it seems as if you go through all this hard work (pulling and tugging from a machine after just getting it from the baby) and for nothing. For like, one or two ounces. And that took 20 to 25 minutes. Yet again, I learned that the more often you pump the more you get each time and now I'm doing six to eight ounces within 10 to 15 minutes.

See, like I said before, the light at end of the tunnel is getting brighter and I'm coming through this section of early motherhood with a feeling of sheer victory. I have survived basic training. Or at least my version of it. I return to work in a few weeks and I'll have to mentally prepare myself for that first day. I think I'm missing her already.

I'm loving this little girl!

I'm about half way through my maternity leave and I feel the time slipping away. I'm also enjoying every moment with my daughter. I couldn't imagine having to go back to work two weeks ago. I'm thankful I have a job that will allow me so much time to take.

Trinity is growing. Her legs are getting plump. Her fingers and hands are filling in and her head is growing. It's getting harder to slip those onesies around her head. Also she's ready to fit into all those outfits she got during the baby showers. She's quite cute these days too. I know that sounds very boastful, but I'd gotta admit, she's a looker baby.

She's sleeping longer at night and I'm not as sleep deprived as the first month. I was clearly a walking zombie sometimes and at times I chose not to answer the phone (sorry folks). She's loving her baths thank goodness. It's my favorite time with her. Changing her diaper is quite an adventure. Sometimes I think she just like to pee on the changing table to show us who's really in charge. The pampers is just there for show sometimes I swear. She's funny like that and her father is learning that all the time. What can I can, expect the unexpected. She might just poop in between changes too, now that's really fun.

These days we're getting a little more spit up these days too and she drooling. But the cooing.. I love, love, love the cooing she's doing these days. I feel like she's talking to me and responding in kind to my crazy questions like "how is your morning" and "what you doing this morning"? She even laughed in her sleep. I met a woman the other day that says when babies smile in their sleep it means angels are talking to them and that was the most comforting thought. My grandparents, her deceased paternal grandfather and aunts and uncles would get such a kick out of her and I hope if they are talking to her that they are proud.

Next week, she's got to get her series of booster shots and she's gotta take some Tylenol before hand to offset the pain of the shots. I'm trying to prepare for it mentally, but Trinity will probably be more ready for it than I am. I'll report back to see if my worries were unnecessary.

Six Weeks In

Well it's been a month and as I don't have as much time to post as I did before, there isn't a lot to report other than the routine of changebaby-feedbaby-burpbaby-playwithbaby-putbabybacktosleep. Then I just watch her sleep when I'm not sleeping myself. It's no surprise, but of course I'm exhausted some days and mostly it's at night. But I'm in love and that conquers all, well it is now anyway. James is so smitten, he can't readily admit how much, but I've never seen him so tender, that's all I can say.

The breastfeeding is getting better. I must admit that a few weeks ago I didn't know how long I could do it. The sore nipples, the leaking, the trying to remember which breast you fed the child on last. I hope I can keep this together when I go back to work. I've got a month and a half now and I'm looking forward to returning to work a little, but I'm dreading possibly missing something that she does for the first time while I'm at work.

This month my baby has her second set of shots at the end of this month. I hope my husband and I will be okay with all the shots they have to give her. I'm dreading that doctor's appointment. She is gaining weight well though. I believe she's about 8 pounds at this point. I think she's gaining weight pretty steadily now. I can't wait to see how far she's come at the end of this month.

Week One Post Pardum

I've been home with my child for a week now and it feels like a month. The little ups and downs are:

• Realizing she likes to hold her poops and chooses to do one whopping one every few days. When it happens, it scary (my husband is still traumatized).
• She is still adorable. Her appetite has increased, which is good.
• I've lost almost 30 pounds since giving birth. I have weighed in so low since in the last four years since my last surgery. It's the breastfeeding, I know, but I just didn't know it would be so fast.
• I'm starting to recognize my ankles again! Yay!!!!!

• I'm getting a little cabin feverish. I plan on buying my Mother's Day cards today and send them out. I've gotten a few of them and it's so weird to me.

I know I'm a mother now and do motherly things, but it still feels strange to call myself a mother. I don't have a problems saying, " my daughter, my child, my baby, my baby girl..." I guess once I hear her call out "Mommy" I'll get the shivers and it will feel real.

Four Days and a Baby

Well as the three followers that I have already know. I gave birth to my little angel Trinity Elizabeth on April 27, 2009 at 11:37 pm. I was scheduled to be induced on the 24th which I was feeling incredibly apprehensive about. One doctor in the practice was insisting on an Amniocentesis prior to induction which I thought was ridiculous and we ended up forgoing it anyway, but the induction was still on since my blood pressure had all of a sudden risen and hadn't decreased in the last week. I didn't have Pre-eclampsia, but the hypertension topped with the diabetes was putting me in a better category to have the baby early and avoid in complications closer to my due date only a week away.

So I'm starting Friday night with a closed cervix shut tighter than a Chick-Fil-A on Sunday and I was Misoprostol to get the ball rolling and to soften the cervix. Six hours later, nothing. The contractions might as well have been hunger pangs because I wasn't feeling a thing and the cervix was still at about a one. Saturday I'm given the old reliable Pitosin. This does nothing as well all day Saturday and I'm getting tired of sitting in bed and tired of having my blood sugar checked every two hours. My poor fingers were running out of room to get stuck.

Later that evening they try a Foley Bulb to try and open the cervix some more which is uncomfortable and causes cramping and only gets me to about three centimeters. :-(
At this point I ask for a little pain medication and am introduced to Stadol. Ohh joy. This was perhaps the closest I have ever gotten or will ever get to being high. It's the bestest of the best buzz you've ever had without feeling nauseated. Still no movement on the cervix. Sunday I get a bit of a rest to start fresh on Monday.

Then Monday morning the drama builds. My water is broken (an entirely weird and warm experience) and with a little Pitosin the contractions, "the real-deal Hollyfield" contractions begin and I start the huffing and puffing and breathing through them like a champ. By he evening I'm getting low on stamina and patience being so long in the induction process. I can't hold out any longer and go for the epidural, which makes labor easier no doubt and I get a few internal monitors placed while I'm numb "down there." After about thirty minutes, my OB notices a dramatic and prolonged drop in the heart rate of the baby during contractions and concludes that six more hours of this with me at about on four cm dilated isn't good for the baby and I'm whisked off to the OR for a C-Section.

In like twenty minutes the baby is delivered. I was awake the entire time and my husband was doing all he could to keep me calm because I was shaking like a leaf. The anesthesiologist keeps me posted on everything that's happening and I when I finally hear her cry and I am so relieved. She's here, finally. They show her to me with her eyes wide open and mine filled with tears. I'm taken to recovery for an hour and its the middle of the night by now on early Tuesday morning and it still hasn't sunken in yet that I'm a mother.

A week later it still isn't really real, until I got my first Mother's Day card today and I couldn't feel more lucky and blessed.