Soft Foods

I've started Trinity on "some" soft foods this month. She's been on breast milk (BM) exclusively for five months now and I felt (well actually her pediatrician as well) that her palette needed broadening. When I went to Target to pick up some wipes and new formula (BAD ENFAMIL), I decided to try a few fruits, just to experiment. The attendant in the isle was helpful and when I told her how old my child was, her response was "wow, you waited a long time." Did I? Are parents giving soft food straight out of the womb these days? My best friend told me about a mother giving rice cereal at one month! So is she raising a Grizzly Bear or something? I don't understand this push from most mothers away from BM and towards solids so soon. People are in such a hurry to make babies grow up. My sister in particular has been wanting to feed her a cheeseburger for months now and always asks when she can go on solids or when can I put cereal in her milk so she'll sleep through the night.
Well she already sleeps through the night without cereal, thank you very much. I'm sorry, I just wasn't up to manipulating my child's diet to suit my personal sleeping habits. But I could rant about this all day. Back to Target.

So I began with pears: Gerber: 1st Foods. Trinity gave me the ugly/eww/nasty face with the first spoonful and I take it because they were a bit tart, but once she realized they wouldn't make her sick (BAD ENFAMIL!) she swallowed the small spoonfuls with trepidation. Next we tried apples which went better, to the point where she was grabbing the spoon and trying to get it with her fingers. Ahh success! Apples it is. This weekend we will try rice cereal with fruit and see how well that goes. She still pretty much has BM as a back up, but I can't wait to buy all those pulverized vegetables so she'll be ready for mashed potatoes and yam at Thanksgiving.

A Good Night's Sleep

I haven't had one of those in a good long while. Except until two nights ago when my child decided she was going to sleep from 10:00 am to SIX O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is a God and he is smiling down on me. Thank you Lord. I totally didn't even expect this until at least a year or two. I just thought the walking zombie days were here for good while.

Of course this could very well be a false alarm. It's only been a week and she's bound to wake up in the middle of the night at least once. But for three or four days in a row. I actually looked forward to getting to bed with the prospect of waking up with the sun.

It may not be that big of a milestone, but it feels like a boulder. More details to come when someone can explain to me why my child will gaze at me with such intensity and then suddenly burst into tears for no apparent reason. Weird. Love her though.

Returning To Work

I went back to work on August 8, 2009 on a Wednesday, in the middle of the week as was advised by the lactation trainer. It wasn't bad the first day. The baby was with her father and I had three bottles ready to go. Being away from her is worst towards the end of the day when I know it's getting closer to me seeing her.

I call the house about twice a day to check on her and when my husband answers and puts her on speakerphone she responds to my voice, which is so cool. But other than having a shitload of work waiting for me, work is good and the baby is good while I'm at work.

I've had to adjust to my milk production being reduced since I'm not nursing around the clock, but the baby is still only taking me and we'll stay like that probably until she's six months old. She's is growing and as of late she's the smilingest (new word) baby I've ever seen. Sometimes I enjoy her so much I can't believe she's mine. I'm like, "wow, this belongs to me?" We take a trip in a few weeks and I hope she does well on the plane. I can't wait for my other family members to see her. She's mellowed out considerably around strangers and I don't mind taking her out and about around town. We went to Walmart yesterday and the colors and sounds seem to fascinate her. For the most part, for now, I've got a good baby.

The Skinny on Breastfeeding

I know this is a practice women have been performing for centuries, but nowadays we have to take a class to get information on how to do this since women (in the US anyway) I believe are steered towards bottle feeding. I believed and still find that it is what is healthiest for the baby. In today's economy, it's also the cheapest, but my main reason towards wanting to breastfeed was that is was the most "natural." I want the best for my child and I wanted to enjoy my time with the baby while on maternity leave with all the experience I can muster. This experience was my bonding time and I wanted to cherish it. But there's one thing you won't really know and that is the reality of true and unadulterated pain.

You may very well get your first taste (no pun intended) of "nipple trauma." No it's not some medical condition in the books. I'm making this up because it best describes the feeling. Since I'd had a Cesarean delivery, it took a few days for the milk to come or "let down." I had her on Monday and the milk didn't really get here until Saturday, so in between those days the baby didn't get too much and I'd supplement with formula every other feeding. So the consequence is: baby sucking and very little coming out. So what does the baby do? She sucks harder! Still not enough milk so the baby continues on this path and by the third day or fourth day, every three hours the dreaded feeding time approaches.

There were time I had to mentally prepare myself for a feeding. I'd take forever to get the pillows in the right position. I'd switch from the cross-cradle to the football hold and back. I'd massage the area and apologize to my nipple before allowing the baby to feed. At times I'd have to do a countdown. One...... two....... three........ and place the nipple in baby's trap, ahhh I mean mouth. Because some days, it did feel like one of those bear traps in the woods and it was hard for me to grasp how such a little mouth with no teeth could bite down so hard. Where was this strength coming from? How have women withstood this so many nears? Simple. Your nipples toughen and basically you adapt to the discomfort. See, I can call it discomfort now. That's a real sign of growth and acceptance.

About three weeks in I was starting to have doubts. The pediatrician suggested this go on for at least a year. A year?!? At the rate I was going it was looking more like three months maximum, but by the end of the first month, I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Each day and feeding was getting easier and as she was growing and needing more milk, the production went into overtime and I was forced to pump just to get some relief and to have some dry clothes as I was leaking all the time and the pads I was wearing were getting soaked.

The baby is 11 weeks now and I'm actually looking forward to feedings now. It's when she's the most calm and quiet (except for those time she seems to want to hold a conversation with you while feeding, that's funny to hear). Pumping is even more encouraging. When you first start pumping, it seems as if you go through all this hard work (pulling and tugging from a machine after just getting it from the baby) and for nothing. For like, one or two ounces. And that took 20 to 25 minutes. Yet again, I learned that the more often you pump the more you get each time and now I'm doing six to eight ounces within 10 to 15 minutes.

See, like I said before, the light at end of the tunnel is getting brighter and I'm coming through this section of early motherhood with a feeling of sheer victory. I have survived basic training. Or at least my version of it. I return to work in a few weeks and I'll have to mentally prepare myself for that first day. I think I'm missing her already.

I'm loving this little girl!

I'm about half way through my maternity leave and I feel the time slipping away. I'm also enjoying every moment with my daughter. I couldn't imagine having to go back to work two weeks ago. I'm thankful I have a job that will allow me so much time to take.

Trinity is growing. Her legs are getting plump. Her fingers and hands are filling in and her head is growing. It's getting harder to slip those onesies around her head. Also she's ready to fit into all those outfits she got during the baby showers. She's quite cute these days too. I know that sounds very boastful, but I'd gotta admit, she's a looker baby.

She's sleeping longer at night and I'm not as sleep deprived as the first month. I was clearly a walking zombie sometimes and at times I chose not to answer the phone (sorry folks). She's loving her baths thank goodness. It's my favorite time with her. Changing her diaper is quite an adventure. Sometimes I think she just like to pee on the changing table to show us who's really in charge. The pampers is just there for show sometimes I swear. She's funny like that and her father is learning that all the time. What can I can, expect the unexpected. She might just poop in between changes too, now that's really fun.

These days we're getting a little more spit up these days too and she drooling. But the cooing.. I love, love, love the cooing she's doing these days. I feel like she's talking to me and responding in kind to my crazy questions like "how is your morning" and "what you doing this morning"? She even laughed in her sleep. I met a woman the other day that says when babies smile in their sleep it means angels are talking to them and that was the most comforting thought. My grandparents, her deceased paternal grandfather and aunts and uncles would get such a kick out of her and I hope if they are talking to her that they are proud.

Next week, she's got to get her series of booster shots and she's gotta take some Tylenol before hand to offset the pain of the shots. I'm trying to prepare for it mentally, but Trinity will probably be more ready for it than I am. I'll report back to see if my worries were unnecessary.

Six Weeks In

Well it's been a month and as I don't have as much time to post as I did before, there isn't a lot to report other than the routine of changebaby-feedbaby-burpbaby-playwithbaby-putbabybacktosleep. Then I just watch her sleep when I'm not sleeping myself. It's no surprise, but of course I'm exhausted some days and mostly it's at night. But I'm in love and that conquers all, well it is now anyway. James is so smitten, he can't readily admit how much, but I've never seen him so tender, that's all I can say.

The breastfeeding is getting better. I must admit that a few weeks ago I didn't know how long I could do it. The sore nipples, the leaking, the trying to remember which breast you fed the child on last. I hope I can keep this together when I go back to work. I've got a month and a half now and I'm looking forward to returning to work a little, but I'm dreading possibly missing something that she does for the first time while I'm at work.

This month my baby has her second set of shots at the end of this month. I hope my husband and I will be okay with all the shots they have to give her. I'm dreading that doctor's appointment. She is gaining weight well though. I believe she's about 8 pounds at this point. I think she's gaining weight pretty steadily now. I can't wait to see how far she's come at the end of this month.

Week One Post Pardum

I've been home with my child for a week now and it feels like a month. The little ups and downs are:

• Realizing she likes to hold her poops and chooses to do one whopping one every few days. When it happens, it scary (my husband is still traumatized).
• She is still adorable. Her appetite has increased, which is good.
• I've lost almost 30 pounds since giving birth. I have weighed in so low since in the last four years since my last surgery. It's the breastfeeding, I know, but I just didn't know it would be so fast.
• I'm starting to recognize my ankles again! Yay!!!!!

• I'm getting a little cabin feverish. I plan on buying my Mother's Day cards today and send them out. I've gotten a few of them and it's so weird to me.

I know I'm a mother now and do motherly things, but it still feels strange to call myself a mother. I don't have a problems saying, " my daughter, my child, my baby, my baby girl..." I guess once I hear her call out "Mommy" I'll get the shivers and it will feel real.

Four Days and a Baby

Well as the three followers that I have already know. I gave birth to my little angel Trinity Elizabeth on April 27, 2009 at 11:37 pm. I was scheduled to be induced on the 24th which I was feeling incredibly apprehensive about. One doctor in the practice was insisting on an Amniocentesis prior to induction which I thought was ridiculous and we ended up forgoing it anyway, but the induction was still on since my blood pressure had all of a sudden risen and hadn't decreased in the last week. I didn't have Pre-eclampsia, but the hypertension topped with the diabetes was putting me in a better category to have the baby early and avoid in complications closer to my due date only a week away.

So I'm starting Friday night with a closed cervix shut tighter than a Chick-Fil-A on Sunday and I was Misoprostol to get the ball rolling and to soften the cervix. Six hours later, nothing. The contractions might as well have been hunger pangs because I wasn't feeling a thing and the cervix was still at about a one. Saturday I'm given the old reliable Pitosin. This does nothing as well all day Saturday and I'm getting tired of sitting in bed and tired of having my blood sugar checked every two hours. My poor fingers were running out of room to get stuck.

Later that evening they try a Foley Bulb to try and open the cervix some more which is uncomfortable and causes cramping and only gets me to about three centimeters. :-(
At this point I ask for a little pain medication and am introduced to Stadol. Ohh joy. This was perhaps the closest I have ever gotten or will ever get to being high. It's the bestest of the best buzz you've ever had without feeling nauseated. Still no movement on the cervix. Sunday I get a bit of a rest to start fresh on Monday.

Then Monday morning the drama builds. My water is broken (an entirely weird and warm experience) and with a little Pitosin the contractions, "the real-deal Hollyfield" contractions begin and I start the huffing and puffing and breathing through them like a champ. By he evening I'm getting low on stamina and patience being so long in the induction process. I can't hold out any longer and go for the epidural, which makes labor easier no doubt and I get a few internal monitors placed while I'm numb "down there." After about thirty minutes, my OB notices a dramatic and prolonged drop in the heart rate of the baby during contractions and concludes that six more hours of this with me at about on four cm dilated isn't good for the baby and I'm whisked off to the OR for a C-Section.

In like twenty minutes the baby is delivered. I was awake the entire time and my husband was doing all he could to keep me calm because I was shaking like a leaf. The anesthesiologist keeps me posted on everything that's happening and I when I finally hear her cry and I am so relieved. She's here, finally. They show her to me with her eyes wide open and mine filled with tears. I'm taken to recovery for an hour and its the middle of the night by now on early Tuesday morning and it still hasn't sunken in yet that I'm a mother.

A week later it still isn't really real, until I got my first Mother's Day card today and I couldn't feel more lucky and blessed.

Countdown to Baby

1. Currently at 37 weeks, three to go.

2. Ankles still look like Chocolate Eclairs, but I'm dealing.

3. Have Crib (still not assembled)

4. Breastfeeding Class this weekend

5. Weight-gain at 16 pounds.

6. Somehow, I'm sleeping better at night.

7. Trinity is gaining momentum. I think he's given up the fight.

8. Can't forget to have my weekly Avocado Turkey Burger and Broccoli from Ruby Tuesday's this week.

9. Packing Overnight Bag this week.

10. Praying every night for my little one.

Bodily Changes Update

I really don't have a lot to complain about, but the last baby shower brought the onset of puff pasty ankles. They baked in the oven that was my shoe and have not come down. I know if normal for the last trimester and few months, but they just look so bad. I am keeping them elevated to the point where I'm considering sleeping in a L-shape at night, but so far they go down when I go down and get up when get up.

Okay complaint time over.


Note: I did not get horns waggled with the furniture. It arrived within a week's time and if only my spouse would get his lazy tail together to put it up I'd be a happier camper.

Baby Shower #2

Okay, so this was the official one thrown for me by my mother and sister. It was such a cool day. My aunts, cousins and friends from school were there. My mother fixed these programs with my baby picture on them, oh so cute. It was a bit cloudy and rainy throughout the afternoon, but when I arrived at the very church and in the very sanctuary where we got married seven years ago, the emotions were running rampant. There were lovely gifts, a fantabulous (new word) spread of food and drink and games ready to be played. There was a PowerPoint presentation in the back with pics of James and myself as a child. He was a cute baby, I must admit. My mother-in-law and I were both given sashes to wear at the shower. Mine read "Mother-to Be" and hers "Grandmother-to-Be." She loved it.

So we played games and eat and since the weather wasn't the best went straight into opening gifts and my friends quickly got an assembly line going. It all seemed to happen so fast and I tried to savour every moment, but I swear it took me a while to take it all in.

Pictures will come later, but I loved that so many relatives who drove from Virginia and Maryland to see me were there that I felt so honored and blessed. I could barely contain myself when it came time for me to say a few words. And after a few hours it was over, kind of like the wedding. I got some great gifts from friends, my mother's co-workers, cousins, godmothers, and James and I were able to take a picture with the Reverend that married us. He just happened to be there that day and the feeling that things were coming full circle was apparent.

I cannot express how loved and blessed I felt that day. I felt lucky to have so many care about me and the baby and show it with their time and attention. It's not often I get that kind of attention as I tend to shy away from it most of the time, but I welcomed it that day and I am forever truly grateful.

PS.
This may sound ungrateful, but okay so folks, I need diapers. Diapers are good.

Quick Update

Baby furniture ordered! Praying I didn't just get horns waggled.

Non-Sympathy Weight

I am beginning to feel the weight of the baby now. I'm also beginning to feel the weight of this enormous task I'm about to undertake. I must be honest. I'm feeling nervous these days. Not necessarily worried, but it's that incredible urge to not want to make a mistake that you know will inevitably happen.

Will the room be ready and have everything it needs. Will people show up to my shower even though they're not giving RSVPs? Will my baby take to breastfeeding, regardless of how much I prepare my body for it? Will she have everything "I think" she needs? How will James "be" when the baby comes? How will I be? Will postpartum depression set in? Will I be able to sleep when I have the opportunity to sleep?

I know that most of the answers to these questions are positive and people tell me all the time that my instincts will kick in, but how do you know if they'll kick in if you've never used them before. I guess it'll be different when she's actually here and I know she's mine and the possessive mother-bear-protecting-her-cub thing will set in.

I'm carrying pretty low right now and she laying on my bladder real good these days, but I'm not as uncomfortable as I expected to be. None of this is a bad as people make it out to be. I'm not fully prepared for everything, but I'm not scared either. I'm just don't want to screw anything up. I consider myself an educated person and I want to act accordingly when it comes to my daughter, my husband and my family.

Oh yeah, new realization: Naps are your friends.

Surprise Shower

Every year I attend a retreat that we call "Exhale" and during this trip we eat till we're silly, share our experiences over the past year, get messages, swap candles and craft and enjoy the lovely view of the North Carolina beach outside our window. It began as a birthday party over the weekend for two sisters and over the last 13 years has grown into an escape where people make of it what they need to.

So on the third day I received a surprise baby shower. Now I should have had a clue, but I felt since my sister was leaving early and nothing had happened, I'd seen everyone later this month. My sister had toted me around the outlet malls shopping for Coach bags and groceries. She was buying all these unnecessary items sporadically that were for the shower and I had no idea, like a tape measure and orange sherbet. I was thinking, "what is she doing?"

So when we get back to the house all of a sudden, my sister wants to use the elevator (yeah, the place is that big) to get to the kitchen and when I come out the door, I see this party awaiting my presence with food, gifts and decorations. I immediately go into tears because I've never had a surprise anything before. I felt so honored and special and loved at that moment and I was completely clueless.

After taking a few minutes to get myself together, I sat down and played games, opened gifts for my little girl and had a ball laughing and reading cards with 30 of best women around. I've sent out the thank you cards, but sometimes there just weren't enough words for me to use to show how gracious and appreciated I was that people thought enough of me and my child to take part. It was a special time and at the time I was overwhelmed, but have realized how blessed I am to have people around me who love me, care about me and wish the best for me in life.

I was answering questions from this mental health survey for pregnant women at my doctors office and I assume they were to probe for depression and many of them addressed whether we had anyone to go to if we needed help or if we felt our lives or our day wasn't going well. I never could say I never had anyone and that's how I knew I was different. I am blessed and so is my child because I know I'm not alone and will never be to bring this child into the world. So, thank you.

Two Months to Go

I know this seems so short to have a baby blog for four and a half months, but I'm trying to jam pack in as much as I can without giving away too much.

So now I have to go over the body changes. Aside from the belly which was always big, I have to consciously think about how I walk. I'm trying as much as possible not to waddle, not to lean back with one hand on the back/hip for balance. My posture is being tested everyday now with this baby. The major change that has occurred in the last two weeks has been the swelling of the ankles and feet. They look like they swallowed a mango for breakfast. I've been trying to keep them elevated as I don't need to buy new shoes along with the new clothes. The right ankle is first to go puff pastry on me. The left will follow after a few hours. Thank goodness they go down while I sleep or else I'd forget what they originally looked like.

People keep saying my nose is widening, but I can't tell. I look at my face everyday which I think is way too often to notice a difference. The boobs have not been spilling over as I expected them too, but the nipple area is a whole other story. No where in "What to Expect When Your Expecting" does it mention the itchy, pealing areola. It's subsided now, but in the last three months I had to remind myself not to scratch in public because I was doing it so often at home.

That's pretty much it for the bodily changes. I must say this pregnancy has been pretty smooth. I've enjoyed the tenure here is bun-in-the-oven land. Next up is the surprise shower I got while on vacation. I was completely clueless.

Sympathy Weight Update: Now he's getting the heartburn! I think he's going to start having Brackston-Hicks contractions soon.

Sympathy Weight

My coworker commented recently that she felt my husband was taking on some of my symptoms and the longer I thought about it I was convinced she was correct. I'd heard of this phenomenon of "sympathy weight" gained by the father during a woman's pregnancy, but I think we're experiencing another phenomenon. I think my husband is pregnant too, emotionally.

Well before I discovered I was pregnant, I noticed my husband was having mood swings and eating at odd times of the day and night. Normally a trip to the gym would help, but he had a hard time even doing that. After it was confirmed that I was indeed expecting, he went into this "prepartum" depression, but for men.

He was unmotivated, he had trouble sleeping at all times of the day and night. He ate everything in the house that wasn't stapled down. He would do weird-craving things like eating all the M&M's out of the trial mix I bought. He asks for milkshakes now and grills burgers at 1:00 am well after we've already eaten dinner. He's clingy and touchy-feely, which he has NEVER been at any time in our relationship. He calls me at work in the middle of the day, on my work phone just to ask how I'm doing, which just melted my heart I must say. It's sort of sweet to see him this vulnerable and it's also strange. I chalk up most of it to the nervousness that we are about to be parents soon and really haven't had that much prep-time, so I try to include him in all the processes so he'll know this is a joint effort we are going through together. Little did I know just how much.

I am certainly monitoring this behaviour as evidenced by this blog and I'm really in awe of it because I'm finally seeing the teddy bear side of him that likes to peak it's head out once in a while. I cannot wait to see him with the baby once she's here.

As far as any actual sympathy weight, he hasn't actually gained any yet as I really haven't myself, but I believe he feels the weight of the pregnancy and fatherhood like a I feel this fetus. He is taking it well seeing that we've only known about the pregnancy for about 30 days now. In March we're scheduled to take a few birthing classes together, you know pillows and breathing. That should be fun.

Next blog: Bodily changes, I promise not to get too graphic.

A Mother's Hopes

Besides searching for the appropriate name for my child. I've been thinking lately exactly what and who I want her to become. I know that to some extent I won't have anything to do with it at some point in her life, when choice begins to supersede training and instruction. But, aside from my obvious curiosity as to what she'll look like, whose nose she'll have and if she'll have the Wingfield Widow's Peak, I often wonder even further down the road.

How will she behave? What are her favorite colors, smells? Will she love music and movies like me or love to read encyclopedia's on Saturday mornings like my husband. Will she bore easily? Will she be a recluse or as is the result of two similar forces coming together be an extrovert to counter her parents' shy nature?

I remember my sister saying after the birth of daughter Mya, "I'm so glad you're here." She said it as if to say "I'm so glad to finally meet you," which is what fuels my anticipation. I can't wait to meet my own creation. That sort of thing just boggles my mind; to know that something you and another create can be completely different from the originals.

My hope is that she will be the perfect balance or combination I should say of my husband and myself. I would love her to have my kindness and patience and his keen sense of awareness. I want her to be compassionate and calculating. Like her father hopefully she'll always be thinking ahead of the next person. Like me I hope she never forgets a face. I guess sensitivity and sensibility is what I want most. That should go a long way.

What's In A Name: Part II

Okay, Naomi and Mackenzie are out. They've been knocked out by the father. He is suggesting Regan as a first name which I immediately shot down. So now we've just got Trinity. More later.

What's In a Name

This is possibly the most discussed issue surrounding the baby. Most people ask, now that they know, if I've picked out any names. The answer is "yes" and "no." We've got the last name set, right. We've selected Elizabeth as the middle name. It was my maternal grandmother's first name and paternal grandmother's middle name. Then we're left with the first, which is totally up to my husband and myself.

Currently on the short list is; Trinity, Mackenzie and Naomi. Both of us have to sign off on these, but we've got a few more to look at. I've been advised it needs to be something the child can pronounce and spell. It needs to have a nice cadence and syllabic flow. It needs to read well. It needs to be a name that will stand out, but won't be confused with all the other girls in the class with the same name.

Most of the time the names given to children are directly connected to the meaning it has to the parents.

Trinity - Representation of the three forms of God in the Christian faith. Father, Son and The Holy Spirit. Is this child holy? Of course. She's certainly a blessing to me and my husband. The fact that she found her way safely without my knowledge is miraculous in my eyes and we anticiate that she'll be a blessing to our lives and through our tutelage, she'll be a blessing to the world.

Mackenzie - From the Gaelic surname Mac Coinnich, which means "son of COINNEACH". A famous bearer of the surname was William Lyon MacKenzie (1795-1861), a Canadian journalist and political rebel. As a feminine given name, it was popularized by the American actress Mackenzie Phillips (1959-). Now does this have any real connection to an African-American family? No, but the practice of giving formerly masculine names to girls started in the last 100 years. In fact, the names Tracy, Shelley and Marion were originally male names that started being given to girls. I think this name is on the list because the sound of the name is very different. It's a first name that's a last name and it sort of covers the spectrum of the alphabet too.

Naomi - (1) From the Hebrew name נָעֳמִי (Na'omiy) meaning "pleasantness". In the Old Testament this was the name of the mother-in-law of Ruth. After the death of her husband, Naomi took the name Mara (see Ruth 1:20). Though previously common as a Jewish name, Naomi was not typically used as an English Christian name until after the Protestant Reformation.

Naomi - (2) From Japanese 直 (nao) "honest, straight" and 美 (mi) "beautiful".

Both meanings in the Hebrew and Japanese tradition are attractive to me. I must admit they are all growing on me. But I'm open to other options. I'll admit, I lean more to the traditional, WASP-Y names, but if it sound beautiful to me, I'm a sucker. This is more than likely the first of several blogs on the subject.

Two Days Later

So it's about 48 hours later and I'm scheduled for my first ultrasound since as it turns out I'm right about due for one. We get to the doctor's office early in the morning and go inside this room with a computer screen and a bed. I can see the monitor on the wall where I'm laying and I get some more jelly on the belly so we can find out just how far along I really am.

The sonographer is warm and friendly and she starts sliding the scanner across my stomach and asks if we want to know the sex of the child and my husband and I say in unison, "YES!" Well in looking at the feet and legs which apparently the baby loves to show we can see it's a girl. For the first time we see movement of feet, hands, legs, nose, spine, chest, fingers and the heartbeat. It's very real to me now and it's very strange to know that what I'm watching on the screen is actually happening inside me.

One of the things we discover is that she, yes we're calling her "she" now, doesn't really "like having her picture taken." She keeps her hands in front of her face and the sonographer can't take all the pictures she needs to. I discover later, in a fetal echo cardiogram, that she's probably sensitive to the sonic wave because she tends to move around a lot during the procedure.

The cool, quiet, dark room is putting my husband in nap mode and he's struggling to stay awake in between the obvious images we see. He asks questions to keep himself up. So about 30 minutes later of pictures/measurements of her head, femur and spine the OB comes in to take a few more pictures and concludes 1) I'm about 21 and a half weeks; 2) I'll be due approximately May 12th; and 3) We have a healthy baby girl.

So, who do we tell first?


Baby Feet










Unfortunately, this is the only image we got on the CD that was recognizable to the untrained eye (that would be me). All the others were a smudges as far as I could tell.

You're 'Bout Half Way There

I've always considered myself a late bloomer. I don't necessarily procrastinate, but things, events just seem to happen to me after they've happened to everyone else I know and I am totally oblivious as they are happening to me. I begin this blog with the date Monday, December 29, 2008.

After having worrisome feelings that I might have some sort of fibroid tumor or ovarian cyst the size of huge meatball, I scheduled an appointment with my gynecologist or whoever was available to see me after the holidays. My 11:15am appointment was suppose to reveal that everything was fine and that I may need an ultrasound to find out exactly what this bulge in my lower abdomen was. Did I think that perhaps it could be another life form? Nooooo. There was no way I was about to have a child.

So after an exam, my doctors confirms there is something there, hinting "it feels like a uterus." Why did she have to say that, sending my head spinning while laying up on that exam table? So she comes back in with her sonogram wand, listening for a possible ...... heartbeat! I get the cool gel and she mushes the instrument on the right side of my belly. Funny, I never used to use that word until now. And we hear static underwater current-like sounds and I can see her searching with her eyes for a sound. Nothing. Then she switches sides to the left and there it was. The muffled "wow-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow" of my child's heart beating. "That's not you, that's baby," she concluded and my mind was racing.

She leaves the room to set up an appointment for an ultrasound and all the other tests will be needed in the coming weeks. I'm still sitting on the exam table in my gown, in utter shock and disbelief while I hear here talking to nurses on the phone. She comes back into the room and tells me she thought I'd have my clothes on by now, but the moment was a lot to take in. Then I asked her how far along did she think I was thinking like 8 or 9 weeks, right? "Your about 20 weeks." My bottom lip and jaw are in my lap as I realize a full pregnancy is 40 weeks. "Yeah, you're 'bout half way there."