Sunday, March 22, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Non-Sympathy Weight
I am beginning to feel the weight of the baby now. I'm also beginning to feel the weight of this enormous task I'm about to undertake. I must be honest. I'm feeling nervous these days. Not necessarily worried, but it's that incredible urge to not want to make a mistake that you know will inevitably happen.
Will the room be ready and have everything it needs. Will people show up to my shower even though they're not giving RSVPs? Will my baby take to breastfeeding, regardless of how much I prepare my body for it? Will she have everything "I think" she needs? How will James "be" when the baby comes? How will I be? Will postpartum depression set in? Will I be able to sleep when I have the opportunity to sleep?
I know that most of the answers to these questions are positive and people tell me all the time that my instincts will kick in, but how do you know if they'll kick in if you've never used them before. I guess it'll be different when she's actually here and I know she's mine and the possessive mother-bear-protecting-her-cub thing will set in.
I'm carrying pretty low right now and she laying on my bladder real good these days, but I'm not as uncomfortable as I expected to be. None of this is a bad as people make it out to be. I'm not fully prepared for everything, but I'm not scared either. I'm just don't want to screw anything up. I consider myself an educated person and I want to act accordingly when it comes to my daughter, my husband and my family.
Oh yeah, new realization: Naps are your friends.
Will the room be ready and have everything it needs. Will people show up to my shower even though they're not giving RSVPs? Will my baby take to breastfeeding, regardless of how much I prepare my body for it? Will she have everything "I think" she needs? How will James "be" when the baby comes? How will I be? Will postpartum depression set in? Will I be able to sleep when I have the opportunity to sleep?
I know that most of the answers to these questions are positive and people tell me all the time that my instincts will kick in, but how do you know if they'll kick in if you've never used them before. I guess it'll be different when she's actually here and I know she's mine and the possessive mother-bear-protecting-her-cub thing will set in.
I'm carrying pretty low right now and she laying on my bladder real good these days, but I'm not as uncomfortable as I expected to be. None of this is a bad as people make it out to be. I'm not fully prepared for everything, but I'm not scared either. I'm just don't want to screw anything up. I consider myself an educated person and I want to act accordingly when it comes to my daughter, my husband and my family.
Oh yeah, new realization: Naps are your friends.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Surprise Shower
Every year I attend a retreat that we call "Exhale" and during this trip we eat till we're silly, share our experiences over the past year, get messages, swap candles and craft and enjoy the lovely view of the North Carolina beach outside our window. It began as a birthday party over the weekend for two sisters and over the last 13 years has grown into an escape where people make of it what they need to.
So on the third day I received a surprise baby shower. Now I should have had a clue, but I felt since my sister was leaving early and nothing had happened, I'd seen everyone later this month. My sister had toted me around the outlet malls shopping for Coach bags and groceries. She was buying all these unnecessary items sporadically that were for the shower and I had no idea, like a tape measure and orange sherbet. I was thinking, "what is she doing?"
So when we get back to the house all of a sudden, my sister wants to use the elevator (yeah, the place is that big) to get to the kitchen and when I come out the door, I see this party awaiting my presence with food, gifts and decorations. I immediately go into tears because I've never had a surprise anything before. I felt so honored and special and loved at that moment and I was completely clueless.
After taking a few minutes to get myself together, I sat down and played games, opened gifts for my little girl and had a ball laughing and reading cards with 30 of best women around. I've sent out the thank you cards, but sometimes there just weren't enough words for me to use to show how gracious and appreciated I was that people thought enough of me and my child to take part. It was a special time and at the time I was overwhelmed, but have realized how blessed I am to have people around me who love me, care about me and wish the best for me in life.
I was answering questions from this mental health survey for pregnant women at my doctors office and I assume they were to probe for depression and many of them addressed whether we had anyone to go to if we needed help or if we felt our lives or our day wasn't going well. I never could say I never had anyone and that's how I knew I was different. I am blessed and so is my child because I know I'm not alone and will never be to bring this child into the world. So, thank you.
So on the third day I received a surprise baby shower. Now I should have had a clue, but I felt since my sister was leaving early and nothing had happened, I'd seen everyone later this month. My sister had toted me around the outlet malls shopping for Coach bags and groceries. She was buying all these unnecessary items sporadically that were for the shower and I had no idea, like a tape measure and orange sherbet. I was thinking, "what is she doing?"
So when we get back to the house all of a sudden, my sister wants to use the elevator (yeah, the place is that big) to get to the kitchen and when I come out the door, I see this party awaiting my presence with food, gifts and decorations. I immediately go into tears because I've never had a surprise anything before. I felt so honored and special and loved at that moment and I was completely clueless.
After taking a few minutes to get myself together, I sat down and played games, opened gifts for my little girl and had a ball laughing and reading cards with 30 of best women around. I've sent out the thank you cards, but sometimes there just weren't enough words for me to use to show how gracious and appreciated I was that people thought enough of me and my child to take part. It was a special time and at the time I was overwhelmed, but have realized how blessed I am to have people around me who love me, care about me and wish the best for me in life.
I was answering questions from this mental health survey for pregnant women at my doctors office and I assume they were to probe for depression and many of them addressed whether we had anyone to go to if we needed help or if we felt our lives or our day wasn't going well. I never could say I never had anyone and that's how I knew I was different. I am blessed and so is my child because I know I'm not alone and will never be to bring this child into the world. So, thank you.
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